John wants to SEC you up: Week Five

For entertainment purposes only!

Spreads count, you blue law junkies. John will be taking the open line from Alabama native and resident USA Today oddsmaker Danny Sheridan.

No. 8 Alabama (4-0) @ No. 3 Georgia (4-0)
Line: Georgia by 7.5
Vierdsen’s a homer. Take the Tide. In his objective opinion, though, Georgia is excellent on both sides of the ball. Coach Mark Richt has made his imprint in Athens, and that means a great team that comes up just short on a regular basis. The last time these two teams were both good (2002), Georgia won. Then again, Bama almost pulled it out last year, so go figure.

Ole Miss (2-2) @ No. 4 Florida (3-0)
Line: Florida by 24
Though Ole Miss lost to Vandy, who isn’t these days? Ha! But seriously, the Rebels are too well-coached to get nailed by Florida by more than three touchdowns. Take the Fightin’ Giggity Giggity Goos.

Mississippi State (1-3) @ No. 5 LSU (3-0)
Line: LSU by 23.5
There’s no way in the deepest, darkest, hottest parts of Hell that MSU keeps this close. The Bulldogs have no offense, and as shown by the utter shit they took in Atlanta over the weekend, the defense may not be so good, either. Take the Bengal Tigers and the points.

Tennessee (1-2) @ No. 15 Auburn (3-1)
Line: Auburn by 6.5
Even though Auburn screwed the pooch against LSU on Saturday, and its offense looks positively shitty shitty shitty, Vierdsen doesn’t have much faith in the Viles. Florida did a good job in Knoxville, and John doesn’t think that Auburn’s any worse than the Gators. The Plainsmen War Eagles Tigers should cover.

UAB (1-3) @ South Carolina (2-2)
Line: South Carolina by 26.5
Vierdsen’s first sports memories are of attending UAB basketball games (against such then-Sun Belt luminaries as VCU and Old Dominion). His parents went to UAB. He has love for the Blazers. He also knows that UAB really, really sucks this year. This could go one of two ways – either UAB will show up, put on a good show and keep it relatively close, or Carolina will put up over 40 like in ’03. Take UAB – it’s doubtful Carolina will be able to cover, what with the offensive issues so far this year. Also, please, never ever refer to UAB as “Alabama-Birmingham.” The school never refers to itself this way, and neither do students, alumni or hangers-on. It’s “UAB” or “the University of Alabama at Birmingham.” Get it right, assholes.

Western Kentucky (2-2) @ Kentucky (3-0)
Line: Kentucky by 22.5
Ah, hell. Who cares? UK to cover.

Arkansas (2-1) @ No. 7 Texas (3-0)
Line: Texas by 26.5
The line is not even close to being high enough. Arkansas is a terrible team. Getting out of Fayetteville may have been the best thing for Houston Nutt to do. Texas will score early, often, and utterly embarrass the Hogs. Take the Longhorns and the points.

Vanderbilt is off this week. The Dores get Auburn on Oct. 4, which will be the first real test for the team (oh, the pain of USC and Ole Miss fans).


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