Russia invades Georgia, lays seige to Atlanta

Georgian troops outside I-285 set up their guns
in advance of the Russian attack.

Matthew Brady/The Associated Press

DULUTH, Ga. – After several months of charges and counter-charges, Russia followed up on its threats and invaded Georgia today, entering the Peach State early this morning, with Su-35 warplanes striking planned communities in Marietta and Roswell, causing mass destruction and total chaos in the morning commute.
“We told those Russkie bastards they couldn’t have our ‘shine,” Sen. Saxby Chambliss (R-GA) said, “but they kept saying something about how they could only have the most powerful, blinding alcohol in the world.”
Allegedly, talks broke down around 9 p.m. last night, when Georgia diplomat Early Cuyler made an inappropriate advance toward Russian President Dmitry Medvedev‘s wife. Witnesses describe Cuyler enticing Svetlana Medvedev to his bedroom with talk about bootleg whiskey and what he would do with his “tenticles,” followed by a “WOOOOOOOOOOOO!” and a slap of her ass.
Not surprisingly, Cuyler’s home near Tallulah Falls, Ga. was hit with multiple nuclear warheads shortly before the invasion, obliterating most of northeast Georgia and a significant portion of the South Carolina upstate. South Carolina has yet to announce any retaliation, as many in state government have expressed that Clemson will not be missed.
As of press time, the Georgia military has fallen back to positions on the north side of I-285, meaning to protect the beltway from destruction and Russian control.
“Our interstates are already a wasteland because of construction and delays,” Gov. Sonny Perdue said. “Just imagine what will happen if those Communist bureaucrats take control!”
Latest reports have it that the Georgia Department of Transportation, a hotbed of Communist bureaucrats, has defected to the Russian side.

Putin Says ‘War Has Started,’ Georgia Claims Invasion [Bloomberg News]


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