Our observers in Tuscaloosa early this morning observed the lifeless body of John Vierdsen, clutching an empty bottle of Captain Morgan, leaning up against the Bear Bryant statue in the plaza in front of Bryant-Denny Stadium.
Penned to his sport coat was a note explaining what happened:
Alabama’s football season is over.
After over a decade of wandering in the wilderness (with the exception of 1999, 2002 and 2005), the Tide went undefeated in the regular season, beating Tennessee, LSU and Auburn for the first time in the same year since Gene Stallings walked the sidelines. 12-0. It was nice.
But, then, Bama was beat by one man, St. Tebow. That was harsh, but everyone knows Tebow has the support of the Almighty.
What could not be comprehended is how a team from Mormon country, hilariously named after a Native American tribe (Did you say Utes?), could completely own one of the toughest defenses and offensive lines in all of college football.
It was just too much.
While Bama will be returning a number of very talented sophomores next year, Vierdsen cannot stand to watch the the Tide compete with bat-shit crazy Houston Nutt’s Ole Miss squad for another chance at the SEC title game.
And, on that note, John is checking out.
According to Vierdsen’s wishes, he will be cremated and have his ashes scattered over the Crimson Tide’s practice field.