Our observers in Tuscaloosa early this morning observed the lifeless body of John Vierdsen, clutching an empty bottle of Captain Morgan, leaning up against the Bear Bryant statue in the plaza in front of Bryant-Denny Stadium.

Penned to his sport coat was a note explaining what happened:

Alabama’s football season is over.

After over a decade of wandering in the wilderness (with the exception of 1999, 2002 and 2005), the Tide went undefeated in the regular season, beating Tennessee, LSU and Auburn for the first time in the same year since Gene Stallings walked the sidelines. 12-0. It was nice.

But, then, Bama was beat by one man, St. Tebow. That was harsh, but everyone knows Tebow has the support of the Almighty.

What could not be comprehended is how a team from Mormon country, hilariously named after a Native American tribe (Did you say Utes?), could completely own one of the toughest defenses and offensive lines in all of college football.

It was just too much.

While Bama will be returning a number of very talented sophomores next year, Vierdsen cannot stand to watch the the Tide compete with bat-shit crazy Houston Nutt’s Ole Miss squad for another chance at the SEC title game.

And, on that note, John is checking out.

Roll Tide.

According to Vierdsen’s wishes, he will be cremated and have his ashes scattered over the Crimson Tide’s practice field.

Vandals Knock Poultry Head Off Union Truck [FoxCarolina]

It’s been several hours, and Vierdsen, and his crimson red Jaguar, haven’t been seen in some time. A note, scrawled on the back of a Speakeasy bar receipt, mentioned something about the collapse of the Alabama football team, the early NFL departure of offensive tackle Andre Smith, the end of the election year and the abject boredom that comes with a presidential transition period and basketball season.

Where is John going? Calls are out to observers in Richmond’s Shockoe Bottom, DC’s Adams Morgan (and Gov. Tim Kaine’s entourage), Atlanta’s Buckhead, Dallas’ Deep Ellum and The Strip in Tuscaloosa.

If you see Vierdsen, report it here, where a cadre of sympathetic friends will try to keep up the posting until we can return John back to Columbia.

For many observers of American politics, it looked like Democrat Al Franken would be one of the few Dems that would not be able to ride Sen. Barack Obama’s coattails into office.

According to a new report from Reuters, Franken has overcome his self-inflicted wounds to unseat Republican Sen. Norm Coleman in one of the closest U.S. Senate elections in the nation’s history.

Vierdsen does not know much about what Franken might do in office, beyond his jokes in books. But, one thing is for sure — he will not be fucked around with.

In what was one of the funniest examples of a political mano a mano, Franken took a question from a CR when he had an event at the Koger Center a few years ago. The kid went to the microphone, and tried to put Franken on the defensive. Little did he know that he was going against a smart and quick-witted dude.

Franken quickly turned the tables on his questioner, which would not have been a big deal. Hey, it was a liberal-heavy audience. What was hysterical was that the guy could not take what he was giving out, and retired, crying, to an outside hallway.

Certainly, members of the U.S. Senate will not be so easily intimidated, so it should be very interesting.

Franken to be declared Senate victor in Minnesota [Reuters]

One of the major battlegrounds in the 2008 Republican primary races was Spartanburg County, and now it looks like the enmity among different groups in the Upstate is carrying on into this years legislative session.

According to a story in Sunday’s Herald-Journal, the Spartanburg delegation is sparring over appointments that were made in August of last year. For people not used to the arcane rules of state government, local delegations have power to appoint some local officials.

However, part of the problem is that Gov. Mark Sanford will not approve the appointments because seven of the 13 members are freshmen (not exactly an efficient way to run the government, Guv — rules are rules).

So, now, there are apparently two chairmen of the delegation, though only one is legit, according to state law. Rep. Lanny Littlejohn, by the rule that a simple majority of seven is required for an election, is the chairman. However, Sen. Lee Bright, Sen. Glenn Reese, Sen. Shane Martin and Rep. Joey Millwood seem to have done their own thing and given Millwood (God help us) the chairmanship.

For a total account of the bizarre, you have to see the story:

Many of the nine remaining delegation members, however, said they had not been contacted about the appointments and said they were unaware of the changes. Sanford again refused to sign off, saying he wanted all members to be aware of the changes.

“From a legal standpoint, the bare minimum was met to make the new list legal,” Sanford spokesman Joel Sawyer said. “But we were concerned that all members had not seen the list.”

Martin said the others had been consulted.

“The problem is they have trouble following the law,” Martin said. “Now it seems they have trouble with the truth. We (Bright, Martin and Reese) have businesses to run, and Representative Millwood has a job. We don’t have time to fool with these good ol’ boys. We’re going to move forward and do what is best for Spartanburg. It’s not right to leave these fire department and other board members wondering whether they’ve been appointed.”

Rep. Steve Parker, also a business owner, said he was not informed of the changes. Rep. Keith Kelly, an attorney, and Rep. Rita Allison, a former Sanford employee, also said they were in the dark.

“I guess I’m a good ol’ girl,” Allison said. “They do have the weighted majority, and that’s not a problem with me. But nobody ran anything past me or asked me to sign off on anything.”

The four also did not contact the seven August appointees they removed. Bright said he thought the Governor’s Office would notify them. [Ed. note: Yeah, this guy is a smarty.] Sawyer said the Governor’s Office would only contact those appointed, and only after the governor signs off on the appointments.

Cheryl Jeter Jones, who was appointed to the Department of Social Services Board in August, learned from the Herald-Journal that the four had replaced her with Jimmy Tobias, Martin’s Democratic opponent in the November election.

Jeter Jones, a longtime community activist, said she was operating under the assumption that the application deadline was Jan. 26, as she was told in the letter from Littlejohn, and that the appointments would be made Feb. 2.

When asked why the four had decided to replace Jeter Jones with Tobias, Bright said: “It’s good to have a set of fresh eyes to look at things sometimes.” He was unaware that Jeter Jones also was a first-time appointment.

Oh, man — it’s like Bright is Charlie in the Flowers for Algernon’s denouement. If Sawyer is to be believed, though, it is good to see that the governor isn’t totally brain-dead about this issue.

One thing is for sure — Rep. Keith Kelly isn’t going to let four members usurp power from the other nine.

Millwood, who was elected chairman of the four at a meeting they held on Nov. 24 – a meeting that might have violated a state law that defines a quorum as a simple majority of the body, which would be seven members – on Friday sent a letter to all delegation members saying he has called a meeting for 7 p.m. Thursday in County Council chambers to address the appointments.

Kelly said that’s not going to happen.

“There’s no such thing as a chairman Millwood,” Kelly said. “So he has no authority to call a meeting.”

Game on.

Appointments divide delegation [Herald-Journal]

So, what has Gov. Mark Sanford accomplished in his past six years in office? Not much, except squeezing a couple of State Sen. Jake Knotts’ pigs to the point that they shat all over his shoes and the floor of the State House.

But, that has not stopped Sanford from acting like he actually matters. His new bullshit line of spin is that members of the General Assembly are passing along patronage like Halloween candy. Naturally, he forgets his own complicity in diverting money to his people.

Sanford asked that more than $100,000 left over from hosting a national governor’s convention be given to a nonprofit group run by his allies. The money later was returned to the state. Sanford also intervened on behalf of a campaign contributor during a contract dispute to redevelop a Beaufort County port. Sanford said he was looking out for taxpayers by putting his real estate background to use for them.

Nice.

It’s all so incredibly lame. Sanford is just like Lane Kiffin — he cannot get anything done on the job, but he can keep getting another job. State Sen. Glenn McConnell called it perfectly:

McConnell also noted the unemployment dispute. Past governors, he said, would have brought together all parties to find a solution. But Sanford is more interested in how his actions will play in the polls, McConnell said.
“It’s always as though it’s somebody else’s fault,” McConnell said. “His failures are of his own making. …
“Gov. Sanford has some great ideas, but his execution is the worst that I have seen of a governor.”

The latest thing is who Sanford will endorse for governor. It’s believed that U.S. Rep. Gresham Barrett, Lt. Gov. Andre Bauer and Atty. Gen. Henry McMaster will run in the Republican primary. It would be a good idea for all three to turn a cold shoulder to Sanford and do their own thing.

Sanford’s ‘failures are of his own making,’ senator says [The State]
Sanford mostly silent on 2010 governor’s race [The State]

In what should be an endorsement to give back, SCGOP chairman Katon Dawson got the approval of Ala. GOP chairman (and State Rep.) Mike Hubbard.

Let’s just say that the decision-making abilities of people from that area of the state may not be the best in the world. Cows and trailer parks, yes. Innovative ideas? Not so much.

That endorsement pales in comparison to former Ohio Secretary of State Ken Blackwell’s haul today, which includes the Club for Growth’s Pat Toomey, Eagle Forum crone Phyllis Schlafly, James Dobson of Focus on the Family, Steve Forbes, &c. Damn, son. That list is base-alicious.

Alabama’s Hubbard endorses SC’s Dawson for RNC [WHNT]
Top conservatives back Blackwell [Politico]

:( [I Thought Obama Would Get Me Laid]

This year, Bama beat Tennessee, LSU and Auburn (36-0, what!), but the Tide’s youth ultimately betrayed the team against Florida and Utah. And, to that, John says, “Fuck all.” Never has a 12-2 record felt like such a letdown.

UPDATE: It has been about an hour now, and Vierdsen has come to terms with the loss. In the ’90s, it would have taken a few days. Now, it takes less than a couple hours. Thanks, Mike Shula!

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